We’re all familiar with it…
The process in which we release our family, friends and/or acquaintances into the spirit world are sometimes filled with more anxiety than grief. Especially if you come from a large family like myself. As I get older these ceremonies are becoming more and more frequent.
These are moments that we’re compelled to see certain family, friends and/or acquaintances that we don’t see on a regular basis because for various reasons we don’t extend ourselves to them and vice versa. Some of those reasons may be that we’ve lost connection for some reason or another, their lives do not coincide with ours, they’re about THAT LIFE and we’re not, you don’t really know/understand them, or you know they perceive you to be someone you’re not. For either reason, you’re present because you want to show respect to the person that you share a commonality with.
Each time I attend a ceremony I go with the intention of repairing a relationship that has gone estranged. By the time I’m settled in my seat I am second guessing myself because my basic instinct or spiritual guide has reminded me of why we’re estranged in the first damn place. I probably shouldn’t blame that on my spiritual guide, but you get what I’m saying right? I mean, think about it…chances are neither of us has changed our perspective on the situation, but there’s got to be a way to mend a fence or two without stepping too far outside my comfort zone or selling my soul. I keep telling myself to “give a little” but I always fall short. All of these thoughts are going thru my mind as I sit through the ceremony. I’m looking around at family, friends and/or acquaintances. Loving more than most of them and trying to figure out the rest of them. Some of them look like they may be having the same thoughts…it’s almost funny.
Fast-forward to the cemetery and we’re all focused walking up this hill and thinking, “One day they’ll be gathering for me”, and you would think that thought alone would be enough for any one of us to start the conversation that could possibly put to rest our bs that has lingered for months or years, but it doesn’t always happen that way. It’s so unfortunate, but it’s the truth.
I expect to hear a lot of “Don’t judge, accept people for who they are.” I’m old school, I judge situations and accept people for who they are, then treat them accordingly. Even the ones I love dearly. It works for me, and RIGHT NOW I don’t have the tolerance to be any other way. I would hope that folks who know and love me would treat me accordingly and if corrections are needed during that process, then I can help you out with that in the sweetest way possible. But from time to time a ceremony comes up and I leave wishing I had it in me to follow through with the intentions I came with. I’ll keep working on that because the long proverbial embraces are not enough anymore.
Most of us have done things or put ourselves in positions to where we’ve created our own struggle.
It’s easy to do…..all it takes is one bad decision to start you on the path, unless you anticipated the probability of your decision ending with a negative outcome and prepared to immediately address it to minimize its effect, like some of us may attempt to do.
We don’t do that because we’re a part of a special group and we have all the answers. We’re only able to do that because we’re anal and it’s a part of our OCD package.
I said all of that to ask, how often have you sit back and watched your friends, family, or loved one(s) create a struggle for themselves, then watch everything play out as if you wrote the script yourself? Do you remind them of your previous advice, attempt to help them thru it, or let them “go it alone” and hope they learn the lesson attached?
Please engage your thoughts on this subject……
Turning 50 had to be a turning point. Kids were grown with their own kids. Life was ok, but it could have been a lot better. There was a struggle within myself to put “me” first. I won that fight but it came with a price.
I was waiting for change when I should have been creating it for myself……
Two years later, my ambition, thoughts, and desires are blowing my mind. I’ll meet with companionship, respect, love and stability soon enough, but right now I intend to build a stronger me. I finally know what I need for me, and I feel damn good about that!!!
So, for those who are in need of a turning point, my first few words of encouragement must be to never be afraid to be alone. It’s never too late to improve upon your circumstances. Make things happen for yourself. By enhancing your qualities you’re more prone to attract a like minded person. We all deserve that mate that compliments our mind, body and soul. So take your time in getting yourself together. You’ll either know what you have when it’s staring you in the face, or you’ll know what you don’t have. Never settle, but by all means stay true to yourself. Love freely with no conditions and be open to new experiences. For it will be the new experiences that will enable you to make THE REST OF YOUR LIFE THE BEST OF YOUR LIFE.
Men with no shadow are usually those that follow the course of being the loudest with nothing to say, tend to be happier when others are uncomfortable, require those around them to be just as fake as they are, will minimize their faults while enhancing yours, speaks negative about everything, communication skills are challenged because they don’t trust themselves at handling feedback, all that he is he’ll proclaim others to be, instead of moving from one level to another they allow situations to totally collapse, then another is created in its place.
We tend to love these guys regardless, because they are more than their faults. What we don’t consider is the day we become the collapsed situation. We’ve guarded their beauty and their flaws to an extreme. They are now their own superhero. Their foundation is weak because their entire persona collapsed with their last huge episode, but they don’t know it yet…that shit is hard to watch.
At what point should secrets be told and fears challenged? Entire communities are held captive by many forms of Arrested Development. Various elements contribute. The most common are single parent homes, sexual abuse issues, no snitching concept, and the ADHD Meds epidemic. Understand that Arrested Development can be described as a situation/occasion that is disturbing enough to cause a disruptive mind altering conclusion that affects the normal learning and growth process. It can progress at a snail’s pace or rapid speed.
Single parent homes can be just as successful as the two parent homes. Whether a child succeed or not may be determined by if they’re receiving love, limits, discipline and consistency. It sounds simple, but it can be as simple as that. As a parent you can’t get “tired” half way thru the process of raising your children. You must stay vigilant from newborn to adulthood. If you feel like you’re losing them, get help quickly. Because if the streets get them, you may never get them back!!
Sexual Abuse can singlehandedly destroy a beautiful mind, and possibly create an abuser. The most disturbing is perpetrated by someone you’ll know and trust. In those situations, the abuse may occur more frequent. Victims tend to mentally carve out a safe place for themselves where no-one else can ever reach them. Through out the rest of their lives they will try repeatedly to summon those moments before the abuse occurred, in hopes of undoing the abuse and changing their circumstances. Their sense of reality and security is different from those never abused.
ADHD Meds are a blessing for some and a curse for others. What’s most impressive with the ADHD concept is the fact that certain programs will compensate the parent on a monthly basis when their child receive meds for their hyperactive behavior. Personally, I think it’s a set-up for failure, and I believe the public school educational system in this country has failed the children considerably. Instead of challenging the kids they prefer to subdue them. The ADHD situation is a huge pie with many hands in it….pharmaceutical companies, lobbyists, doctors, teachers, parents and the educational system. It’s sad to watch.
The No Snitching Concept has been in play for ages. I’ve never understood why the rules weren’t improved upon over the years due to the detriment in our communities. Surely there’s more to it than simply “no snitching”. I believe a part of the “missing” policy was that there will be no snitching because the community itself will handle the problem accordingly. That type of activism was last seen in the late 60s. This too is sad to watch, and it explains why our youth are in the streets not giving a damn.