We’re all familiar with it…
The process in which we release our family, friends and/or acquaintances into the spirit world are sometimes filled with more anxiety than grief. Especially if you come from a large family like myself. As I get older these ceremonies are becoming more and more frequent.
These are moments that we’re compelled to see certain family, friends and/or acquaintances that we don’t see on a regular basis because for various reasons we don’t extend ourselves to them and vice versa. Some of those reasons may be that we’ve lost connection for some reason or another, their lives do not coincide with ours, they’re about THAT LIFE and we’re not, you don’t really know/understand them, or you know they perceive you to be someone you’re not. For either reason, you’re present because you want to show respect to the person that you share a commonality with.
Each time I attend a ceremony I go with the intention of repairing a relationship that has gone estranged. By the time I’m settled in my seat I am second guessing myself because my basic instinct or spiritual guide has reminded me of why we’re estranged in the first damn place. I probably shouldn’t blame that on my spiritual guide, but you get what I’m saying right? I mean, think about it…chances are neither of us has changed our perspective on the situation, but there’s got to be a way to mend a fence or two without stepping too far outside my comfort zone or selling my soul. I keep telling myself to “give a little” but I always fall short. All of these thoughts are going thru my mind as I sit through the ceremony. I’m looking around at family, friends and/or acquaintances. Loving more than most of them and trying to figure out the rest of them. Some of them look like they may be having the same thoughts…it’s almost funny.
Fast-forward to the cemetery and we’re all focused walking up this hill and thinking, “One day they’ll be gathering for me”, and you would think that thought alone would be enough for any one of us to start the conversation that could possibly put to rest our bs that has lingered for months or years, but it doesn’t always happen that way. It’s so unfortunate, but it’s the truth.
I expect to hear a lot of “Don’t judge, accept people for who they are.” I’m old school, I judge situations and accept people for who they are, then treat them accordingly. Even the ones I love dearly. It works for me, and RIGHT NOW I don’t have the tolerance to be any other way. I would hope that folks who know and love me would treat me accordingly and if corrections are needed during that process, then I can help you out with that in the sweetest way possible. But from time to time a ceremony comes up and I leave wishing I had it in me to follow through with the intentions I came with. I’ll keep working on that because the long proverbial embraces are not enough anymore.